Adventures in… Football?!
On Monday night, I gathered with the French to watch France vs. Switzerland as part of Euro 2021. I consider myself to be an extremely fair-weather football fan. Most of the time, I find it irritating. It dominates Saturdays, dictates moods and men’s football still gets a disproportionate amount of attention. When it’s an international tournament, however, suddenly I’m interested.
My love affair with the Euro championships began way back in 1996 when I, along with the rest of England, watched with my heart in my mouth as Gareth Southgate missed the last penalty against Germany in the semi-final. I was 9. I remember whispering to my mum as I cried myself to sleep, “But… But… I really wanted them to win.” Since then, tournaments have come and gone but every time we get to a knockout stage, there I am, an armchair expert, yelling out, “Offside!” as though I really, truly understand it as a rule. (I’m not completely sure that I do, but please, I beg of you, do not explain it to me with the salt and pepper shakers. I can enjoy without understanding.)
The France vs. Switzerland match was spectacular. Goals flying about everywhere and, of course, it all came down to the last penalty (sorry, France). I could spend a few sentences trying to express my feelings in writing, but I think the contrasting photos of one Switzerland fan, which have since become a meme, say it all. It was an emotional rollercoaster. And when the match finished at midnight with a disappointed French contingent, I realised that I still had an ace up my sleeve, because England, my team, was still in.
The next day, I scheduled everything around the England vs. Germany match, which kicked off at 6pm. For the first time in my life, I voluntarily watched football alone. When we won, I lost the plot. I put on the trifecta of England’s greatest football songs – Three Lions, Tubthumping and Vindaloo – then marched around the house chanting like the veritable football hooligan I am. I may have scared the neighbours. I definitely scared my boyfriend. Then I found myself trying to explain the significance of an extremely spicy curry which was invented by the English to football and English culture. Why do we sing about Vindaloo and football? Who actually orders a Vindaloo when you can have paneer? Why must all curries in England be accompanied by a beer? I guess we will never know.
One thing is clear: all this football has got me pining for the country I chose to leave six years ago. I miss you, England. But watching you win alleviates my homesickness. So keep at it, please. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a quarantine rule change but for now, it looks like maybe – just maybe – football will be coming home before I will.
Great reads this week
· I adored this poem by David Whyte which was shared in one of my sessions with the London Writers’ Salon. If I had a printer, it would already be on my wall.
· Technically, this hasn’t been published yet, but I have already signed up for Megan Crabbe’s newsletter Is It Just Me Or…? where she will be musing on the internet, body positivity, pop culture and all things in between. If you’ve followed her on Instagram as @bodyposipanda you’ll know that this is a smart woman with lots to say.
· Sometimes you just need a good thriller and Dorian Box’s The Hiding Girl was so gripping that I read it in one day. I have already ordered book number 2.
Ask Amy
First of all, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re hurting right now. It is an irreversible truth of life that break-ups suck. So, I hope that you are taking some time to grieve and then looking for some ways to make yourself feel better. Friends are a great balm in a situation like this. So is a change of scene. So is a new project to focus on. It all helps.
The wording of your question really interests me: ‘Is it strange to feel upset…?’ It sounds as though you have an idea of the way that you should be feeling in this situation – as though you should be able to simply shrug it all off because the relationship didn’t take up much time. But any feeling that you feel is valid, and you feel it for a reason. So, if you can, try to move past the ‘shoulds’ of how you are feeling. It’s not possible to change how you feel. And beating yourself up because you don’t feel differently is an exercise in futility.
As for the relationship itself, just because it was short-lived, that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t important or that this ending won’t hurt. In lots of ways, short-term relationships can feel more disappointing when they end, because it feels premature. Here was a relationship which had potential, and you’ve lost the opportunity to really test that potential and see where it could go. That’s a miserable feeling. You don’t say who ended it, but if it wasn’t you, then you are also having to deal with the fact that something you wanted to pursue has been ended, outside of the scope of your control.
I think the most important thing in a situation like this is to know that, ultimately, it’s not about you. That sounds very counterintuitive, I know, because break-ups can feel intensely personal, as though you are being rejected. But it’s not you. It’s the combination of you with the other person which hasn’t worked this time around. It might not be what you wanted, but it’s not any indication that you are unlovable or undeserving of a relationship that will make you happy. It will happen. This just wasn’t the one.
If there is a silver lining about break-ups, it’s that they are an opportunity to reflect on what you really want out of your romantic life. They are also a chance to focus on yourself. How is that person at your core doing? Are they still strong and unshakeable, no matter what life throws at them? In the end, that person at our centre, the person who exists outside of our thoughts and experiences, is that one we will all end up with, so check in on them. I think you’ll find that they are pretty wonderful. I wish you luck on the journey ahead.
If you enjoyed this advice column, there are more available on my website.
I’m always looking for questions to answer, so please do drop me a line if you need some advice. It is anonymous, of course.